I don’t feel that my childhood led to any cause of my addiction. Neither of my parents were addicts and I had a great childhood, always having everything I needed and wanted.
Shortly after my 15th birthday in 2001, I was introduced to meth. Little did I know that what I was doing for fun would lead to a 14 year struggle. Over the next 3 years I continued to use very heavily and even start selling the drug.
I did manage to graduate high school, but quit playing soccer my senior year. Playing soccer could have been a potentially successful career.
After graduating, I moved from Pampa to live with my mom at Lake Whitney. At this time, I was still completely unaware that I was an addict. To me, I was just having fun.
Shortly after moving, I found a new crowd to run with and was back to using. This went on for several months until something tragic happened. In July 2004, my mom was a victim to domestic violence, coming close to losing her life. This had a huge impact on me, I felt like I couldn’t leave her sight. I felt like what happened could’ve been stopped if I just would’ve been there.
Over the next year, I continued to use, only now I was sharing my addiction with my mom. Our relationship became very rocky and in July 2005, my brother and I moved to Louisiana, once again looking for a fresh start.
After struggling to establish there, I finally started to feel independent after getting our own house and doing things for myself. But with the independence came lots of pride and feelings of “I could do what I want.” I began taking and selling lots of pills, going days at a time in a complete blur.
In February 2006, I learned I was pregnant with my first son Mason. At that time it was very easy for me to just quit using.
During my pregnancy, things really began to turn around for me and my family. My brother went to the Army and my mom was also staying sober. After Mason was born, I started college to earn my associate degree in Medical Assisting. I graduated with honors with a 3.98 GPA in 2008.
Shortly after that, I began using AGAIN. Still, I managed to be a “functioning addict” by keeping a job and maintaining a home. In May 2009, my mom, Mason, and I moved back to Texas. We moved to Waco, but again I was searching for something more to life.
Over the next year, my mom and I were using together and things began to get very tense between us. So my mom decided to move because our relationship was completely broken. So it was just me and Mason.
I began searching for comfort in unhealthy relationships and ended up in a very abusive one. Letting this man take control of my home, my parenting, everything. So in December 2010, I decided I had to get away, so Mason and I came back home to Pampa.
I just knew I could do it this time. I found a house that I could buy and thought this would be the last time I ever had to run from my problems. Shortly after coming home, I was using again. I ended up in an abusive relationship which ended up with me loosing custody of Mason, my job, my car, and my home.
At this point, I had lost hope in everything! My visits with Mason were short and heart breaking each weekend. It got to the point where I felt like he was better off without me. In May of 2013, I saw Mason on Mother’s day and that was the last time I saw him for over 2 years!
I ran into an old friend that I grew up with. For several days, she kept telling me about God and how He had a much bigger purpose for my life. At the time, it was very easy for me to just ignore what she was telling me. And then one day it sunk in!
I realized that all this time what I was missing was God! So once again, I packed up and ran from my problems, only this time I was searching for something real! My friend and I went to Dallas that summer and my life began to change. God showed himself in so many ways. I began to realize just how many times that God’s hands were protecting me from harm. For the first time in my life, I hit my knees in complete desperation for God to take control and help me.
After coming back from Dallas, I was really trying to do right, only my addiction still had hold on me. But even after being told “NO!” about seeing Mason, I tried to continue my walk toward God. It was difficult but during those few months I learned so much about God’s love and his purpose for us.
In December 2013 tragedy hit again. I lost one of my best friends. He had been someone who was by my side in all the events that had happened with my son. Someone who had been my rock when no one else was there.
After Nick passed, nothing seemed real. My life was a complete wreck. The growth I had made spiritually was gone and NOTHING mattered! I had finally hit “Rock Bottom.” I had cut all communication with ALL of my family.
In October 2014, I found out I was pregnant with another son (Easton). When I found out I was already 26 weeks along. I was terrified and had never felt so alone!
The only place i found comfort was in a high state of mind. For the next couple of months i tried to get clean but the drugs had been the only thing consistent in my life for the last 14 years. On January 7, 2015 Easton was born with drugs in his system.
CPS immediately was involved and were making plans to take him away. I sat in the hospital the night after he was born and cried and prayed and prayed some more. I asked God if he would just get me out of this, I would never touch a drug again!
My prayers were answered! CPS had agreed to let me leave the hospital supervised with a friend’s mom. So there I was, leaving the hospital with someone that God placed in my life for a huge reason. When we got to her house she told me that I had just a few days to figure out a plan. And with her encouragement and help from a friend, I found a treatment center in Plainview that allowed me to take Easton with me.
So in preparation to go to rehab, I still managed to get high. Even after all I had just been through, my addiction was still winning.
I was so ashamed of how selfish and careless I was being. I went to rehab with my 2 week old son and began a new chapter. While at the House of Hope, I began attending church at Faith Christian Fellowship in Plainview.
I was welcomed with open, loving arms and while sitting in service, I felt as if Pastor was speaking right to me. His sermon was like open-heart surgery on me. That day I went to my knees with gratitude and hope. I prayed for God to open doors and to help me grow close to him.
Over the next 90 days while learning how to live sober and searching for who I really was, I found something else. I found that Christ can live in me!
In April 2015, I was released from treatment and approved by CPS to go home unsupervised. As nervous as I was to go home, I knew I could do it! I had found my strength! So over the past year with the Celebrate Recovery program and God’s Grace, my relationship with my son Mason has been restored. I am no longer under CPS supervision, I have a home, a job, a vehicle, and everything else I need for me and my boys. Also, I have an amazing group of friends, a Loving Church family where I was baptized not too long ago, and most importantly, I have a relationship with my Heavenly Father.